i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
