kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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