Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
