Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize