That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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