Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
