R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
