Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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