He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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