how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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