I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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