Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
