So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
