Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
