yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
