the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
