So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
