Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
