Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
