cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
