I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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