we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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