she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
