Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
