that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
