we have pet lesbian snakes
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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