At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
