So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
