I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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