No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize