This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My life is pants optional.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
