There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize