Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
