i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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