Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
