i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
