Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
