textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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