You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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