Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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