shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize