why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
