is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize