Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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