just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
