she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
