Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
