My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He passed out mid-signature
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
