SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
