Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
