We're facebook friends in real life
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
