just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
