I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
