is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
