Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
tell me about the eggs
Randomize