My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
