My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize