im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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