i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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