my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize