Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Farmville is her only friend.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
