my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
