Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
