Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
