i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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