I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
