I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
