Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
