I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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