I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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