so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
two words: eviction party
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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