The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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