don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
