Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
