3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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