in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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