he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
