WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
birth control should be required to get into college
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
