the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
