When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
