btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
