hell yes lets make some ravioli
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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