look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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