they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
