I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
