He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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