he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
