A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
