Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
