i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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