He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
